Well here we are; inside my mind. What lurks here of use to you? Will you be taken by the notion that Big Boi's Daddy Fat Sax should be the new national anthem? Or will you like the sound of a story about a girl chosen, once every generation, to stand alone against vampires, demons and the forces of darkness generally. Oh, no. Sorry, that's for my other blog “Ideas I wish I'd had”. Sticking to the ones that I have had, there's a mish-mash of fair-to-middling brainwaves that you might like to further with or without me. I'll start with a near-handful of pitches, covering books, TV and film and build as regularly as possible so watch this space, it's cheaper than cable.

Film idea: Synchronicity Sucks.

A girl googles herself (yeah, come on, we all do it) and finds a female namesake who has lived a few generations before her. They seem to have led parallel lives with the similar, if not the same, events happening at the same points in her life. She comes across the woman just at the point in her life when things start to go wrong and sets about trying to prevent certain circumstances befalling her (even, er, be-falling in love). Despite the evasive action she cannot prevent some of the events further up the line from happening until she finally decides to accept a fate that she gambles on killing or curing her. Spooky huh?

Book synopsis: Great Quotes & Sayings, Paraphrased, Rephrased and Generally Graffiti’d Upon

Life for me can often be summed up in a one-liner. From Dorothy Parker's wit to a De Beer's advert a little text goes a long way, as Twitter well knows. But with the constant assault on us by soundbites isn't it right to take the piss out of pith whether that be quotes from the famous or proverbs? I follow in the penstrokes of some notable practitioners including Samuel Beckett whose take on “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again” was: “Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”

Here are some attempts at failing better:

"You can fool some of the people all the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time."

Abraham Lincoln

10^th President of the United States

b. 1809 d.1865

Or: “On average most people are stupid.”

"I used to be Snow White…but I drifted."

Mae West

Actress

b.1893 d. 1980

Or: “I’m a slut for dwarves.”

Meanwhile some proverbs that have been tampered with:

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step = a cheap flight is just a click away

A new broom sweeps clean...here come the management consultants…

Bad news travels fast = Twitter shitter

Beggars can’t be choosers. It’s the Big Issue or nothing mate.

No man is an Island …not even Barry

A fuller synopsis is available. Some of the ideas are shit but it has gift book written all over it, just under the comment “some of these ideas are shit.” Luckily some of the ideas are not shit.

For the full synopsis email me on: plagiarisemeplease@gmail.com

TV Treatment: Flashgigging : Three comics, Three locations, Free style

Flashgigging takes the concept of spontaneous 'flashmobbing' and brings it to stand up. Oh come on, why not?

Each programme (6 x 30 mins) sees three spontaneous gigs staged, at any time of day, in three different locations, all of which are intercut to provide a unique half hour 'gig' made up of the triumphs and tribulations of comedians out of context.

One minute [Comedian A] might be leading a line of commuters at Liverpool Street station in a conga as part of his warm up, the next [Comedian B] might be starting his gig on Brighton Pier, initially to an elderly woman, a girl carrying some candy floss and a small dog before his crowd swells, meanwhile [Comedian C] will have them rolling in the aisles at the House of Commons where he will be in the thick of a special command performance.

Web Wonder: Politics is Funny. Shit name. Good idea.

Politics is Funny’, the aim of which is to show the lighter side of the greasy pole and mix other metaphors in the process. I am hoping that it will raise awareness of the political process through laughter but also prove a one-stop shop for political comedy and influence political debate by making a few headlines of its own.

Here’s what I envisage: a website that houses all forms of political comedy from columnists, diarists and sketchwriters covering everything from the machinations of government departments, the Commons, to political book launches through to political stand up and sketch.

Of the numerous elements I have cooked up is The Party Pundits ‘Fan Zone’: the political version of Sky Sports’ Fan Zone where young pundits (researchers perhaps) from the main parties commentate on the week their parties have had and how they think they are faring with the public.What could go wrong?

For more email me on plagiarisemeplease@gmail.com